I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize