I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize