I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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