yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize