i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
