Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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