i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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