his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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