Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
