my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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