You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
