Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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