He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
