Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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