She went from zero to smokin in five shots
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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