I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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