It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize