**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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