Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
