**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
