I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
