I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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