my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
