I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My penis needs a shock collar
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
