i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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