Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize