just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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