Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
