Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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