is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
