I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
