I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
