As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
two words: eviction party
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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