I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
