I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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