Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
