My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
and she was petting her beer can
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
