Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
