I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
