I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
