don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
