When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
