She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
