woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize