He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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