omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
