I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
