you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
