Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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