hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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