people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
