thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
