No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
