Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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