No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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