The brown eye won't let me do that either.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
