Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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