We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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