His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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