i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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